If you're not on a higher level than her friends, then she's not all that committed or emotionally invested in you.

At 26yo she knows how this looks.

I suggest you prepare to be single.

You both need to confess to your partners.

Interesting that you're more concerned about your affair partner than your life partner.

You both just destroyed your current marriage/engagement.

You may soon be single.

You both are too old for this BS.

Play stupid games. Win stupid prizes.

Your decision is : go zero contact (that's the consequence of permenantly contaminating your friendship); or divorce your current partners.

In either event, you destroyed your marriage. You need to confess to your wife. She has the right to decide whether she wants to reconcile or divorce.

And you have to make yourself a safe partner. Your behavior was selfish, entitled, deceitful, and shows zero empathy for your life partner.

There's no quick fix (and don't ever blame it on the alcohol).

Her behavior toward you is: selfish, entitled, hurtful, disrespectful, and show zero empathy for you.

Doesn't matter why she justifies her toxic abusive behavior.

Just ghost and block her. Never have any further contact with this person.

The entire procedure is very very expensive.

Unless she is rich, she's delusional.

He says you're insecure- so his solution is to lie and therefore prove to you that you should be insecure?

Plus I don't buy his BS he was a wingman where the plan is to meet up with women.

Did he buy anyone a drink?. Did he sit next to the same woman? Did he dance with that woman? Did he know the woman in advance? Are they connected by social media or texts?

Inform him his lie destroyed your trust. Now he has no right to say "trust me". He's now made himself a liar.

This is a big deal. People divorce for lost trust as often as adultery.

Only he can rebuild trust. What's his plan? He can't say "trust me". At a minimum, to save his marriage he should volunteer : no more going out to a bar with the single friend, and 100% access to his phone and social media accounts.

You don't have to acknowledge your source of information. Just ghost her and block her. She failed your life partner test.

I think this fetish is driven by low self esteem, and perhaps an unconscious desire to self destruct (feeling he doesn't deserve you.

I think therapy could help.

It's his job to rebuild trust. You can't help him. Time alone can't. And he can't just say "trust me".

To motivate him he needs to believe you are willing to divorce rather than tolerate his behavior.

Talk to an attorney. The first hour is typically free. It sends a message that you're serious.

He needs consequences. To start, zero contact with his friend. Btw: no real friend would offer or agree to participate in behavior that will stress and/or destroy your marriage bond.

My son had a good response on hinge.

However, there are a lot of people online that lie about themselves and can't actually meet. I guess they enjoy being pursued.

Overreaching or controlling is name calling. It's a major communication fail. It changes the topic from his behavior to yours plus its intended to hurt you.

It's a strategy used because the facts don't support his behavior . He cant explain or justify his behavior so he attacks you by calling you names.

Dump this jerk. He's failed the BF test.

Everyone in a committed relationship has an obligation to make the partner feel safe from infidelity.

His behavior is a major fail.

The time and emotions spent on her should be yours. Right now you are sharing him.

His behavior is selfish, entitled, likely deceitful (as to his intentions or sex), and shows zero empathy to you.

Most men would not do this to a woman they loved. You can't change him. Don't argue or explain any further with this selfish jerk.

You deserve better. Ghost him and block this jerk on everything.

Block him on everything. Zero contact now and for ever. If he even thinks you're reading his texts- he will continue.