Yes it proved he wasn't joking as he went to the effort of arrangements. Proof if you will.

You don't deal with them. These are her problems, not yours.

She is trying to make them your problems and for you to be responsible for her needs

And she is massively insecure and is doing her best to ruin your self esteem.

Tip - If a new relationship includes insults about your appearance whilst othes praise you then this is a toxic person who is seeking to break you down. Don't be with people who do this, life is too short to put up with bad behaviour.

Time to read up on what a healthy relationship looks like.

Healthy relationship

Yes, it feels like your needs and his are not on the same page or even the same book. You have prove that beyond a doubt. Whatever happens please look after yourself and get some support if you have it available.

So um, does your husband have any pictures of you that you would not want shared with others? Because I am getting the vibe that he has done just that with his "friend".

Another thought I had is that he clearly has a strong urge to do this and if you stay with him then he won't be fulfilling this fantasy he has, so if you leave you will be setting him free to explore his needs. That could be one approach to your situation. That you don't want to hold him back from what he desires. Since you don't want to sleep with anyone but him then you will never be able to fulfill his fantasy.

The other side is that he has no respect for you and that you have already said no, that also is very concerning that he has continue to pressure you. Now he is back pedaling a lot so there is at least some consideration that he knows you are not interested.

I am concerned as to why you wanted to see how far he would go, what was your goal here?

You seem to be a silent partner in interactions with him, not wishing to spoil the vibe, but isn't he spoiling it for you? Is it fair on him to not communicate that you are not interested immediately? What are you worried he will do if you just say no? I am not interested? Does he go off and sulk?

You want these to stop, no matter what you do it is unlikely they will.

Instead you can change how you see it as just a message, he doesn't keep doing it and putting on pressure, he doesn't get anyone else to pressure you either. So you really could just keep one email channel open, put a message saying "thank you for your email". And just keep ignoring it.

Keep in mind that you are in control of responding back, so he gets nothing in return for his messages. I wouldn't even block them, just regard them as an annoyance that you have to be reminded he exists a couple of times a year.

You could create an email account that would just route the emails into a black hole, pretty much the same as now. Block everything else but leave one channel he can send to and think that you are receiving them.

You are opening a door that needs to stay shut for your own mental health.

You cannot persuade or negotiate with people who do not acknowledge that they did anything wrong.

What you can do is protect yourself, do not open the cards, throw them away or get someone to do it for you.

I feel that you are still somewhat in denial about how you have been effected by their behaviour, you can see it wasn't right and that adults screaming in your face is wrong, but on one level you are normalising or somewhat downplaying because you survived it.

There is no one judging how bad or what level of abuse you received and how you should react or have been effected by it. Everyones experience of growing up is different and how you survive and continue to live through it is your own journey.

You want parents that love you, but sadly we don't get to choose the parents we are given and some people are not capable of being the parents we would like. They are also people who do not accept that they did anything wrong and therapy will help you accept that you have no power to change anything they do or say. Your request won't change anything, it will only bring you more pain.

One day you will have more control, your blocking them competely will show that you are serious. If eventually they accept that the relationship is only on your terms then maybe their is a chance they will listen to you, but I would expect that to happen any time soon.

In the meantime work on your boundaries is useful boundaries and good practice for everything in life. Often abused people don't have good boundaries as they were never taught that they could have them.

I have experience emotional neglect and wished to have parents that showed love, but sadly what I wanted and what they were capable of just wasn't possible. Therapy over several years helped a lot for me to move on from anger, denial and grief over what might have been. They continued to behave the same way in respect of grandchildren and that was the catalyst for therapy. I set my own boundaries and maintained the relationship I could handle not the other way round.

Whatever you decide please take care of yourself.

So I feel like you see someone you like and who you think may make a great partner, if only he grew up, ditched his mothers rules, didn't stay out as often in his social circle, was comfortable being an adult and sleeping with you/in your home, didn't talk to other women, hid his phone use from you, was more open to physical touch and initated it more.

So I want to ask, if there are so many things that are not working for you, then do you think perhaps that there is more things that he would need to change than most?

The best successful relationships are about finding someone that fits with you without needing to change themselves in any way, or at least close enough that you can discuss things in an adult way and come to an agreement.

This person looks nothing like the person you want to be with at all and I feel (and this is my personal opinion) that you are feeling anxious about getting your own place and he has come along and your fears are grasping onto someone to help you get throught this period of life, he isn't going to do that and has proved already that he isn't.

His family dynamic is also all wrong for you as his mother rules the household with even his older brother bringing his partner over to the house, so no independence there either.

I am sorry but I would throw this one back into the sea and let him swim away and catch one closer to your goals and values.