Is there a friend you can stay with for a while?

You can use a waffle iron as a panini press

OP, I appreciate how you are acknowledging that what you did was wrong. You clearly sincerely regret what you have done. You made a mistake, and that does not define you. But you need to make some changes in your life to be better. You should definitely reevaluate your relationship with alcohol to prevent anything like this from happening again. You also might consider writing a letter to her explaining your side of the story. On the envelope, write “You don’t have to read this now or ever, but if you ever want my full apology, here it is.” That way she has the option to read your apology and possibly get some closure in the future if she wants.