man you're brave for texting your ex merry Christmas considering your history with her. I think what'll be hardest for you to realize is that she doesn't seem to care for your emotions and you've got to accept that you won't be able to change that about her. Let yourself enjoy sex with her if she's willing to meet up, but only if you can remember that she doesn't want anything more. Otherwise, your next best option may be to find friends that'll scold you for going back and talking to your ex 😅