just--so t1_je2yawm wrote on March 29, 2023 at 12:52 AM

Reply to LPT: How to support someone grieving: the process is not linear and often takes longer than people think (even, and sometimes especially, when the relationship with the deceased was painful or estranged). A year may seem like a long time since a death, but to the grieving, it can feel very recent. by survivalothefittest

Thank you for this. My mum and I had a very poor relationship, the last decade and a half. She died a week and a half ago. For some reason I have a feeling I'm not really going to be able to grieve her death for another year and a half.

just--so t1_j9th3wi wrote on February 24, 2023 at 1:15 PM

Reply to comment by Eldryanyyy in TIFU By Ruining a Good Friendship by WalterJamis

>I (23M) have a had a friend (22F) for a few months now. We went to high school together and were friends then. We weren't ever super close then, but we were friendly and hung out sometimes and did some school activities together. One of them was we were in the school play together. We never talked/saw each other after I graduated (she was the year below me).

They're not exactly lifelong besties. They were friendly in high school, lost contact immediately after graduating, and reconnected a few months ago.

just--so t1_j9syrn2 wrote on February 24, 2023 at 9:42 AM

Reply to TIFU By Ruining a Good Friendship by WalterJamis

I can tell you exactly where you fucked up, and it wasn't where you think.

Directly after the two of you had a conversation where you agreed that the two of you should dial back on any feelings and just keep it cool and friendly, you sent her a message about your emotional baggage from a previous relationship where you had been someone's second choice, and how hurt your feelings were, and so on.

That is the moment where you should have given her space, or at least kept things light. You had both talked it out, come to an agreement like adults to be friendly. Once you do that, discussions of why you should/shouldn't be in a relationship with each other are moot. "I'll be here for you," means, "...in the future, as a friend," not, "literally immediately keep talking at me about why us dating/not dating would hurt your feelings."

You guys agreed to just be friends, but then immediately gave her a reason to think, "Oh, this guy might not be able to be chill about this after all."