Mate, I can't tell you what to do but I wish you luck. I hope you can treat her properly with the respect she deserves as a person. It's very painful right now and I understand that. Work on you. Grow. I know you can do it

She is also a human being with her own heart, mind, soul, desires. You need to respect that. If she takes you back. Great. I'm happy for you. If not, you gotta respect her and move on

It sounds like you are on a bit of a journey and you have some work to do on you. You will probably have to let her go, that's a hard lesson but one you will carry with you to the next relationship you are in.

I AM LAMB