Men/male children do underreport. Most men who were sexually abused or molested as kids keep it to themselves. Many girls also keep to themselves but I believe more girls will report bc they know that’s what they should do, whereas boys believe that’s what they shouldn’t do. As the internet expands & resources become more avail, maybe the way our culture embraces discussions like this will help adults to provide more safe spaces for children to address what they experienced.

I hope therapy is helping. I found one way to heal childhood trauma is to pinpoint the earliest memory the abuse started, the one that really made you react or think “this is not right.” And imagine yourself as 7yo and forgive your abuser. Most trauma comes from acts that our ego cannot fathom as forgivable bc the acts come from behavior that is logically senseless & unfair for a child to experience. Unfortunately people are weak, gone thru sh*t & aren’t always the best decision makers. When no one can rationalize what you went thru, ironically depression becomes the only anecdote; like the only thing that makes sense. Our ego understands something not right is happening & we internalize the unfairness.

A child’s most basic need for nourishment aside from food & hydration is love. And when it’s given to us in the most atrocious, unfair way, we don’t understand how we can accept that kind of love.

So with the exercise, I would first be in a quiet place, imagine being your 7yo self, face your abuser (as they were then) & say “I know you were trying to do your best with the tools you had then and I forgive you.” If they were an addict I’d say “I know you were not strong enough to make the best decisions & you depended on [substance] to make those decisions for you, they weren’t helping you make the best decisions for me but I forgive you because I realize now you were weak, and not the strong person I thought you were, and you believed the [substance] was good for you & would make the best decisions for you with the resources you had at that time.” Something along those lines. If you are open too it, this exercise helps a lot. Bc most traumatic experiences are unkind, to counteract, forgiveness is a powerful act of kindness & a strong anecdote to heal.

Oh yes. Many men have PTSD without realizing it. In a lot of cases it’s bc they keep things to themselves as kids. Since many boys are expected to behave a certain way - we believe having a valid emotional reaction to something that doesn’t seem Okay is invalid. Or we should be ashamed to be emotional about it. That can cause PTSD later bc those experiences don’t just go away.