I despise him for what he did but people slamming him for not asking for consent are dense because being “too” drunk to make sound decisions is very much individually based. I could cut this guy down a million times for making the decision he did but that’s not my place or yours. He’s asking how to go forward and I did just that in an earlier comment.

I’ve said this a dozen times now, my intent is not to defend him whatsoever. My point was that he was too drunk to consider asking for consent and even if he did that he probably wouldn’t be able to stop because he was at that level of being drunk. HE IS BEYOND WRONG but I can’t arrest this dude in another country so at the end of the day I’m only gonna tell him how he should move forward rather than berate this guy and inch him closer to doing something he’s already considering.

He’s trying to get perspective and there isn’t exactly a rulebook for how a man can make up for this so no I’m not pro-rape in any way but I’m not gonna be shit to him either. It’s not my place to judge him my opinion is irrelevant when he’s asking how to go about making up for it.

Are you dense??? I’ve made it clear there is no justification for what he did but who are you to absolutely shit on someone who’s already defeated. Nobody says you have to like him but you’re not doing anything for the situation altogether

We aren’t able to give him the professional help he needs nor are we able to intervene as law enforcement so at the end of the day the only thing we can do is recommend a way to move forward or are we just gonna stick with useless bashing?

I never said it was an excuse. For the millionth time bashing someone who’s seeking help because they clearly fucked up does absolutely nothing in the end. How does calling him out like a middle schooler make any difference ??

Ok but we’re missing the part where he says HE WAS DRUNK. In no way was that justification for what he did but gaining consent when you’re drunk isn’t legally possible because you’re impaired to whatever extent do you understand that?? Rather than bashing and judging getting the guy help is more important

Like you’re being a complete scumbag to someone you don’t know and have no right to be, you aren’t the victim, you aren’t the cops and you aren’t him so take your shit and rant on someone else’s fucking thread

Yeah see that would be okay to say if he wasn’t accepting guilt and seeking penance but you’re being a complete pile of trash to someone who’s not a repeat offender ( from what we know) so saying this only pushes to the extreme of what can happen and not the healthy outcome

So he’d be guilty by all accounts in America unless there was compelling evidence that she gave physical consent. But what I’m saying is that he did what he did while he was drunk (him getting consent wouldn’t make a difference because he’s drunk) and because of the physical and mental impairment that comes with being inebriated prevents logical decision making

So naturally everyone’s level of intoxication before they are too “drunk” or inebriated to make logical decisions varies from person to person. Legally in some states in America the laws recognize this and state that when YOU are past a certain level of inebriation that you can’t give or ask for consent because of the physical and mental impairment that comes with being past that level.

Well he was inebriated which throws any form of consent out the window

Honestly man, beating a dead horse about this isn’t necessary. YOU FUCKED UP BAD. But it’s not the end of yours or Becky’s world if you choose for it not to be. Biggest recommendation, i would give Becky some time and space before formally and politely apologizing and admitting to what you did being terrible and reassuring her that you support whatever decision she comes to make. Next big step is to go seek help from a counselor or therapist and break this along with all your other problems you may be having down with them (THIS IS KEY). At the end of the day your relationship with Becky very well be over but only time and recovery between your individual selves can be the determining factors for that.

Well aren’t you a bit overkill. Lets address a few things about this real quick. 1. OP literally is groveling about how terrible they feel because they made a very dumb mistake while intoxicated( they not only identified but accepted their failure) meaning in an inebriated state of mind he isn’t able to ask for consent 2. If Becky chose to report him she would be well within her rights to do so but it all go what OP is saying is true then this wasn’t a situation of malicious intent and is more deserving of giving Becky time and space to fully wrap her head around what she feels necessary. Rather than judging this dude who’s clearly in a fucked position, give him some recourses to get the help he needs before things potentially get worst.