“Did you seriously have to kill the fucking prince to prevent the curse from killing you?!” “Yes! What, do you not want your daughter to live?!” “Of course I do! But it’s a different thing when you kill someone else & it causes a fuckin war between land & sea!” “Well to be fair, he was a creep.” “What?” “And not the normal kind of creep either, he was even creepier than a Pearlfish.” “Oh my god.” “Yeah.” “I can see why you killed him, I’m so sorry you had to go through that.” “Eh, it’s alright, he got what was coming to him. Plus I at least got to live by doing so.” “Alright, I let you off the hook. Just make sure whenever you kill someone you have a good reason.” “Noted.”

Ralph slowly opens his eyes, gazing upon the cold insides of a space ship. He looks around to find himself in the med bay with R08 standing above him. “Your awake. How do you feel Raphael?” “I feel fine.” “No obscured vision? Nauseous?” “Nope. But, what the hells going on? Were is the rest of the crew?” “They are currently dead right now.” “What?!” Ralph bolts out the med bay & tries to find their bodies, he runs through the ship & finds his friends corpses on the ground covered with blankets. “O-oh my god!” Ralph’s legs get shaky, his breathing increases, his heart is racing. “Don’t worry Raphael, they are going to be ok.” “What do you mean?! Their dead!” “You were dead too.” “What?” R08 comes towards Raphael & lowers its torso to his level. “If you don’t remember, you & the crew were blasted by a massive serge of radiation from an unknown source. I tried everything I could to save you all, but these efforts only delayed the inevitable. Once you were all dead, I searched for possible ways to revitalize you all.” “But that’s impossible! There isn’t any technology that can revive humans after death!” “That is true, but I did not use technology, I used magic.” “Magic? But that’s only art that can be used by the Apostles of the empire.” “Well, from what I found anyone can use magic as long as they now how to manipulate the right matter. And it was with this information that I managed to learn how to use a necromancy spell & revive you.” “That… holy shit.” Ralph looked at his hands, amazed that he was revived using magic. He looked at the welts & bruises on his arm, yet he could no longer feel the pain of the radiation. “I’m going to go revive the others as well.” “Wait! Necromancy is restricted only to the Apostles, if anyone, including certain members of our crew, we will all be killed.” “But that’s not good. Im meant to keep you all alive.” “Exactly, so how about you keep this necromancy a secret between the both of us. You can still revive our crew, but we can never reveal how we did it.” “…that would be lying.” “Yes, but sometimes lying is necessary to execute a job.” “…if this lie will help keep this crew alive, I’ll do it.” “Great! We will carry this secret to our graves.” “To our graves.” R08 then began casting necromancy upon the crews corpses. Ralph watched & wondered, wondered how much magic would benefit his crew.

They call it Fall Patch, a small lush town located near a cliff edge leading to the end of the world & entrance to the void.

The town itself has small hut like houses located upon patches of wet grass hugged by the small rivers falling off the cliff edge. The residents will catch the eels swimming up from the void & the fishes that return to the void for breeding. Fall Patch makes a good amount of money for selling the Twilight Eels skin to be used for magic belts & the void pearls they find. At the same time, a king far away has been sending Fall Patch a fair amount of prisoners recently. They were told to execute the said prisoners, but often found them innocent. The residents of Fall Patch insisted welcome these prisoners & offer them a new home along with a job. They even have these prisoners go down into the void to pick out void pearls from the dense solid vapor of the void. Thankfully, the king will never learn about this as even his own servants find it odd as to why he sent this people off to die despite being so good & doing nothing wrong.

The elevator door slowly opened revealing a lady with a suit. She walks out & looked around to find a bunch of people on the ground dozing off into space along with food, drinks, & blood covered the ground. She walked passed some naked bodies, some were missing limbs, some were dead. She made her way to the kitchen to find a robbed man chowing down on puffy marshmallow like arm attached to a dead women.

“Jesus Christ.” “Where?! Oh! Hello Liz! How are you doing this morning?” “It’s 3:50am.” “Really?? That’s odd, swore it was later.” The man began to tilt & a orange juice poured out from his mouth. “What did you do this time?” “What do you mean?” “Stop playing dumb, your excessive drug use is out of hand Star Mind.” “Just call me Dave man!” “Upper management is sick of your shit, either you get your act together for once or you’re done.” Dave then floats in the air, belly up & gets close to Liz. “What do you mean by done exactly? Are you gonna take me out?” “If necessary.” “Ha! Please, as if a mere human like you could kill me! Don’t get too cocky kid.” “I’m 6 years older than you.” “Whatever, just get out of my face.” Liz swings at Dave & knocks him to the ground. “The fuck? How much did those mushrooms mess me up? Whatever.” Dave then stood up to throw a vase at Liz, she grabbed it & threw it back. Dave then held out his hands & made a shield of snakes, blocking the vase. But, Liz suddenly appeared beside Dave & broke his leg with her heal. “Aaagh!” He fell again & Liz grabbed him by the hair & threw him into a wall. He cushioned himself with some pillows made out of thin air, but Liz then jumped at him. He quickly dodged her attack & flew away. “This bitch is crazy!” Liz ran after Dave as he flew to the elevator door, but before he could reach it she grabbed him. She grabbed his bad leg & slammed him to the ground. “Uuugh, fuck.” Once on the ground, she took her foot & snapped his left arm. “Agh!” And then crushed his right hand. “That was my jerking hand!” She kicked him in the face & turned him around. “What the fuck?! How am I losing to a C class like you?! I bet it’s because of those fucking drugs!” “No, your powers are perfectly fine, I’m just stronger.” Slap! “And the bosses like to make sure others don’t know.” She slapped Dave’s face back & forth with rapid speed, leaving scratches on his cheeks & eventually revealing his teeth. And with one final slap, his head was spun around. She dropped Dave & pulled out a phone. “…Yeah, it’s done… Let’s say it was Black Bolt this time.”

It never occurred to me how much it would hurt to not feed. And not the normal type of feeding, I’ve eaten plenty of food.

At some point, I couldn’t hold in my urges much longer, driving me to search out in the city at night. I went my usual route & found myself a sleeping homeless person. I hunched down & gripped their shoulder. I then began to inhale the sweet invisible thick vapor rising from their head. Once I was finished I left as quick as a came. I hope I didn’t take anything too important to them. Even then, I couldn’t careless after getting my fill. I remembered why I do this, what the costs are if I don’t, if I stopped I wouldn’t even be able to remember that I could do this.

“You still have your wish?” “Yup.” “Holly shit! That’s amazing?” “How?” “How?! Everyone always wastes there wish when their a baby, yet you’ve managed to make it to 19. Im surprised you’ve been saving for so long.” “I haven’t been saving it though.” “What?” “Yeah, I just never really wished for much. As long as a survived that’s all I cared about.” “Hm, sounds like you.” “Yeah.” “You could at least use it at some point.” “True, but what do I use it on?” “Maybe in a life or death situation, or you could get something really nice.” “Something really nice…” a spark shoots out above both their heads. “Wait, did you just wish for something?!” “Yeah.” “What was it?” “I wished for no one to ever starve again, if they are hungry they’ll just get food in-front of themselves.” “Oh! That’s a good wish!” “Yeah.” “Although, doesn’t that mean we don’t need crops anymore? A lot of farmers will lose their jobs.” “Oh shit, your right.”

Mia walks back home, hoping to enjoy some peace & quite, but is instead greeted by NuKo, a hovering humanoid like snapping turtle. “Where in the hell have you been?! You arrived 5 minutes later than usual!” “Probably was because I petted a cat on my way back.” A small boy pops up from a bush “A cat?! Those are the spawn of ChazOp!” “What have you been telling him?” “You mean educate?” Mia pushes away NuKo & walks over to the kitchen. An Axolotl flats by & stares at Mia. “Did you seriously have to give Apple your gOdLY powers?” “Yes! He’s a worshiper of mine, how could I not bestow powers?” “While it is nice of you, it’s a bit annoying having him constantly hover around me for food.” “Tis but a small inconvenience.” Mia throws Apple a worm & he catches it. “I know you’re a forgotten god an all, but do you seriously have to bug me so much after I put one piece of candy in your shrine?” “It is my duty! I am the god of Order & Protection! It is my duty to protect my high priestess & bestow my followers powers to become guardians!” “All because a piece of candy.” “Candy was merely the activator, I knew you were worthy the first moment I saw you!” “Whatever.” Mia goes up to her room munching down on a sandwich while doing homework.

NuKo, phases through her floor. “What the fuck?!” “You seem tired.” “No shit.” Mia tries to ignore NuKo. “You really need to get out of this house.” “What are you? My parents?” “No, but you could try having fun. Living a life without fun is not healthy.” “Oh really now.” “Yes, just look at your brother.” Mia looks out the window to see her brother chasing Apple. “Too many young ones grow up to forget what it was like to be a child, to be free. And look at you now, shackled to your room doing this dreadful homework!” “Well i can’t just put it off.” “Well didn’t you already finish all the homework you needed to do for this week.” “This is next week’s homework.” NuKo gives his judgment stare. “…fine! I see the problem!” Mia puts away the homework. “What should I do almighty NuKo?” “Great question!” NuKo floats to Mia’s window & points outside. Mia looks out the window & sees some fish swimming in the sky. “What the?” “I made them. Here’s a gun.” NuKo throws a pistol over to Mia. “Bro what the hell?! Where did you get this?!” “Relax! I simply made the instrument myself, it won’t harm anyone. Just shoot the fish.” “Wha?” “SHOOT.” Mia jumps & shoots a fish, it explodes into confetti. “Oh, that’s cool.” “Right?” Mia begins shooting some more. She shoots at plenty of the fish, smiling too. “See, fun is fun.” “Eh, your not wrong.” NuKo sits down at the edge of Mia’s window, watching her enjoy herself. “Is there any other games you got?” “I could gift you the ability of invisibility or flight.” “Now we’re talking!” NuKo grins.

“Wanna join my party?” “…why are you asking me?” “You saved my ass from that necromancer, you even helped me kill him!” “Well that’s cause he was being an ass to my brothers. Simple as that.” “And that’s why I need you in my party! Most wouldn’t even bother to rebel against their lord! Especially if your a skeleton controlled by a necromancer.” “…I guess you have a point there.” “Plus we need an archer, which you are good at being.” “I did land some clean shots on Dan.” “Who?” “Necromancer. Anyways, I’ll join your party if you think I’m qualified.” “Awesome!” “On one condition! If we ever come across another necromancer, we kill him & not her servants, they’re usually being controlled against their will, would be shitty if we killed them when none of their actions were decided by them.” “Fair enough, I can do that.” “Awesome.”

Also, lots of high level Blue Robes made fun of her cheap rituals during the civil war/rebellion, but were slapped right back in the face after witnessing her results.

In the empire of Uvort, magic is used for a variety of purposes. Art, rituals, warfare, & medicine. Magic itself is restricted for the Nobels & religious servants, as they are considered the only ones “worthy” enough to wield it.

In Uvort, there are several orphanages who take in babies & teach the children to perform rituals & make potions, strictly meant to aid the medical needs of nobles. They wouldn’t object, they were taught o worship Nobles as highly as their gods. It was their duty to serve a Noble, even if it costed their own life. If you did not follow these instructions, you were not a Blue Robe Mage.

In one orphanage, there was a girl named Maggie Day, her last name comes from the South Day Church. She was a very dedicated young girl. She loved the feeling of helping out the nobles & using magic. But she also fell behind her peers, only being able to remember a fraction of the spells, earning teasing from her siblings & hard schooling from her teachers. At some point, a Nobel, Sir Draco, came to Sour Day when Maggie was 15. He went around the church to pick out his personal Blue Robe Mages. As he walked around, he noticed Maggie’s radiating dedication despite her low skill level, he knew he needed her.

Later on, Maggie & couple of her sisters were chosen to aid Sir Draco & his family. Maggie was excited to work for Sir Draco, driving her to work hard & please her new master. In the end, Maggie’s life was simple & pleasant from them on, but there was something bugging her. She often found it strange how the servants never got the same got any treatments. They worked just as hard if not harder then the mages, even helping the mages out, yet we’re never allowed to be healed by magic. If the mages are allowed to do this onto themselves & other mages, why can’t the servants be given that privilege? This puzzled Maggie.

One day, a servant skinned their leg & was venerable to infection. Despite this, they were not given treatment. It was only when Maggie stepped up & went to help the servant. She treated the servants wounds & prevented an infection. The servant was extremely grateful, but Sir Draco didn’t show the same attitude. He talked with Maggie & told her to never to do it again. She asked him why, he responded saying servants weren’t worthy, gods & the earths gifts shouldn’t be wasted upon trash. Maggie objected saying they weren’t trash, but Draco stood firm & demanded she never do it again with a thunderous roar. She crumpled & went with his demands.

Later on, Maggie would try to convince herself what she did was wrong, but seeing how grateful the servants were showed how good of a deed it was. She couldn’t hold it in & decided to secretly help out the servants. Unlike normal rituals requiring days of prep & expensive ingredients, Maggie would settle for cheap substitutes & do quick rituals. Over time, she managed to improve these rituals & make them far quicker, taking only a minute to execute with 2 minutes of prep. It was because of this that she managed to get away with treating the servants. But, she would eventually be found out, leading to her being punished by whips & casted into Thunder Tomb prison, where she would be reformed to serve only the nobles. But Maggie wouldn’t budge, despite the torture she believed what she did was right. She believed the servants deserved as much respect as nobles.

At some point, a coup was formed against the Uvort empire. The rebels leading the coup aimed for Thunder Tomb & freed prisoners who were captured for reveling against authority, including Maggie. Maggie’s wounds were treated by the rebels, but she after gaining enough strength she treated herself. Soon after this, she was asked to join the rebels. At first hated the idea of fighting against nobles, but remembered how horrible they treat servants, especially the people they imprisoned. She agreed to join, as long as they didn’t stoop down to barbarians. It was then that Maggie Day became the rebels first Blue Robe Mage. She helped to treat wounds of the injured & teach others how to use magic. She also learned how to improvise with the recourses she had, just as she did with Sir Draco’s servants. Eventually, she managed to make quick & cheap, yet effective rituals to heal soldiers & people. And, it was easy to learn, a far greater quantity of people easily could learn these rituals with enough practice, plus there were only a few to memorize, leading to quick mastery with only one thing to focus on. Maggie was proof of this, she was the fastest healer & her results were extremely effective despite the speed of the ritual. These healers & Maggie far outclassed the traditional Blue Robe Mages on the empires side who were still struggling to shorten their medical rituals & retain similar effectiveness, along with having to spend lots of money on expensive ingredients.

Eventually, the rebels won. A new partial Democratic Republic government was formed by the rebels, leading to greater civil rights to servants. And, Maggie Day was renowned as the Blue Saint, known for her innovation in medical rituals & god like skills. Maggie Day founded the Blue Day church, a church that would teach anyone of any social class how to perform medical rituals & assists all they could support. Maggie Day felt proud of herself, knowing she made a great impact & proved a great help to others. Eventually, she died at the age of 56, a pretty good life span during her time. She was greatly remembered for her warm personality, peaceful attitude, & skills. She even has a holiday named after her called MaggusDayus, a holiday where one helps out their community & celebrate with magic fire works.

3 weeks ago, I escaped prison, washed up on a beach resort & been living quite well ever since. During the day I go to get some food, play in the water, & bask in the sun. I’ll steal some stuff here & there, such as sun screen, cash, & drinks. At the end of it all I just sleep on a beach towel under some trees near a cove. Life’s been good for once, I finally feel things going well, but there’s something bugging me.

Just as I’ve been stealing, I’ve gotten everything I’ve needed & wanted. Shampoo, an egg sandwich, a pencil, etc. Its weird, I was never this lucky when stealing at the beach, I grew paranoid. But just as I pushed it down, the paranoia kept nibbling at me until I finally gave it. One day I even tested a theory out. Just as some lady was sleeping on her towel, I took the opportunity to steal something from her bag. And just I reached in, I thought of a stapler, this surely would disprove my theory, but I was wrong. I managed to pull out a stapler, but not any, the exact one I was thinking about in my head. I reached in again, thought of a pigeon & then pulled out a pigeon from her bag. I let the bird go & looked around to see if anyone would notice. No one looked at the bird. My gut was twisting. I stood up & walked away, hoping I would wake up. But how could I? Was I really dreaming? This must be the longest dream ever! Maybe I’m in a coma! But, it also felt so real, the sand, sun, smell of the sea, & especially the people. But how was I supposed to know?

I quickly ran over to the resorts staff & went to the receptionist. “Hello.” “Oh Hello! How may I help you?” “Im just wondering, could you find my room number? I seemed to have forgotten it.” If this is real, then I mustn’t have a room! “Oh sure! What’s your name?” “Jack, Jack Lee.” “Jack, Jack, Ja- Ah! Here you are!” “What?” “Your room number is 890, did you also lose your key?” “…yes.” “Well here’s a replacement! We’ll try to find your original.” “Thank you.” “Your welcome!” I looked at the key, baffled, maybe someone had my name? Jack is a common name, so is Lee for a last name.

I then went to the room, the one the lady brought me too. It was nice, clean too. I looked around & found a duffle bag & opened it up. Inside was all the stuff I stole, I couldn’t believe it. I even looked around & went to the bathroom. Inside was a toothbrush, the same travel toothbrush I always used on my road-trip heists. I was sure, this was not natural, something was off. Suddenly, a maid came in. “Oh!“ I jumped & looked at the lady & accidentally shot her on accident. Shot her? I had a fucking gun in my hand! I blew some ladies brains out with the same gun I’ve used for 10 years! The same gun with a alligator sticker. I knew something was off.

I dropped the gun & looked over at the dead lady, seeing her laying on the ground with a hole in her head. I grabbed my head to keep it together. “This isn’t real! This isn’t real! This isn’t fucking real!” “It is Mr. Lee.” I looked behind myself & found the receptionist lady sitting on the bed. I grabbed my gun & shot that bitch in the head. But, she didn’t die as the maid. I shot some more, no effect. “What are you doing?” “Im shooting you that’s what!” “Don’t you need a gun for that?” “What the hell do you mean?! I have one right here!” I thrusted the gun forward, only to find it gone. “Pretty crazy huh?” I fell to the floor, unable to make sense of any of this nonsense. “God, you broke way faster this time.” “I what?” With a swipe of her hand, the room rumbled. She began to crack, the room fizzled, & my body felt weird. I tried to stand up again & ask “what the fuck are you?!?!” But she would respo

3 weeks ago, I escaped prison, washed up on a beach resort & been living quite well ever since.

It’s calming

The superhero, Barracuda Steel, hiked up to a mountain, facing a large cliff. Inside, Titan was having some tea with his daughter, Rebecca, while they talked about some crime dramas. Barracuda Steel then shot right through the cliff & into Titan’s lair.

“What the fuck was that?!” “Bring her back Titan!” Titan looked at his surveillance to find Barracuda ripping & tearing through his stuff with lighting speed. “Who’s her? I haven’t even kidnapped someone yet!” Rebecca scrunches up in her chair. “Oh you gotta be kidding me, your dating him?!” “Ok, I didn’t know he’d know I’d be here!” “Well you certainly did something wrong.” “Is it my fault that you drove to my place with your suit on?” “Touché.” The lair begins to rumble. “Alright, I’m tired of your boyfriend & his tantrum, I’m gonna kill his ass.” “Wait! I have a plan to get him out of here with less damage!” “Go on.”

A moment later, Titan stands before Barracuda Steel with his arms cross. “What the hell is all of this? I try to take a day off & you wreck my place?” “Ha! Nice try! But I know what you did!” “Do what? Steal your girlfriend?” “RAAAAAH!” He lunges for Titan, Titan doesn’t budge. But just as he is about to pierce Titan chest, his ear piece suddenly goes off & Rebecca begins to talk to Barracuda. “Honey? Where are you?” Barracuda stops. “Apple pie?!” “Apple pie?” “Where are you? Are you ok? I’ll save you!” “What the hell are you talking about? I went to a dress up party & come back to our place to find the door broken! And don’t try to lie to me! Your suits gone.” “…Oh.” “Do you mind explaining yourself?” “Um… yeah, that’s… long story really!” “What ever, explain yourself when you get back.” “Right! Be there Apple Pie!” Rebecca hangs up & Barracuda looks at Titan. “Sorry for the misunderstanding.” “Whatever, remember the fact that I don’t do crime on weekends.” “Right… bye!” Barracuda dashes off blushing. Titan than pulls out his phone. “Nice idea for me teleporting you back to your place to make it seem like you never came here.” “Aw thanks! Your dress up party was a good idea too!” “Thanks, maybe we should plan together more often. Would really help me against Cosmic Mind!” “Sorry, college has got me all tied up.” “Ah, that’s fine, it’s important to focus on school!” “Thanks Dad! But, I would still love to do some villain planning with you after I graduate college & become a teacher!” “That’s my girl! Love you!” “Love you too!”

In the end, everything works out. Rebecca becomes a great 2nd grade teacher & helps her dad with planning anti-hero schemes. Rebecca also dumps Barracuda for being too possessive, all while Titan enjoys learning pottery.

Thank you

Your welcome

Btw, this is a very cool prompt, had lots of fun making this story.

I just vanqui- no, that’s not the right word. I killed the Demon King. While most might find this to be triumphant, I do not.

Originally, I was sent by herd to go kill him & return our treasure, the Minotaurs treasure. I traveled over mountains & rivers, until I finally met the Demon Kings army. I did very well, I hacked & sliced through thousands of Demons with my Thunder Axe. At the end of it all, I met the Demon King, he was a tall gargoyle decorated in Black Armor, wielded a gigantic sword, & dawned a golden crown. Our battle was epic, lasting almost an entire day. At the end, I managed to win, almost losing my life multiple times. But before the Demon King died, he asked me something. “Please. Please, take my crown, my sword. Do what I could not.” I was surprised, the ruthless Demon King, begging me, not for his life but to do what he could not? But I could not ask him to elaborate, as he was dead.

I did as he asked & took his crown & sword. I first put on his crown & was suddenly transported to another plain. I was in a state of shock as I was floating above a great field of Opals. As I was looking at the rocks, a long serpent like dragon shot out from the Opals, just as shiny as they were. The dragon stared at me & claimed “Your the new Demon King.” “Me? The new Demon King?” “Yes.” The dragon looked at the crown & then looked at me. “You don’t think your the king, don’t you?” “Of course I don’t! I have no clue what’s happening!” The dragon glanced at my deep wounds & the blood on my body. “You killed Percy?” “The Demon King? Y-yes, I defeated him.” “Hmm, I knew this would come.” “What do you mean?” The dragon then held out one of his claws. “You are currently the 17th Demon King. Do you know what that title means?” “The King of Demons?” “WRONG. A Demon King is a general, a general who commands an army to protect Hells Jewel.” “Hells Jewel?” “It’s a special Ruby holding the 10 titans, the same that almost destroyed your world, Mercury.” I was puzzled, Hells Jewel? It’s a Ruby, but the Minotaurs treasure is the Heart of the Mantle, a Ruby as well. I then asked “Who originally had this Jewel?” “Lucifer MorningStar.” A shiver went down my spine. “Lucifer was the one who originally sealed away the 10 Titans in the Hells Jewel, but he couldn’t bring it back to Hell as the Titan cursed the Jewel to remain on Mercury.” Wasn’t Lucifer just the original Demon King? “To allow Lucifer to continue his ruling of hell & to keep the Jewel safe, he appointed the first Demon King, Arthur Pendragon.” “King of the humans?! But how could he be a Demon King?!” “He was, just didn’t like to use the title. At some point, Arthur was found to be unfit to hold onto the Jewel, so Lucifer sent Beelzebub to retrieve the Jewel. Arthur refused to give it up, so Beelzebub killed him, becoming the 2nd Demon King & the first to utilize an Army to hell.” This sounds so similar to the history I’ve learned, yet different. “Which leaves you. You, Mitus Arvoth, the 17th Demon King. The Hells Jewel will be placed within your protection, along with an Army of Demons to serve you.” “But I didn’t sign up for this!” “Yes you did, you claimed the crown, therefore claiming the position & responsibilities of Demon King. Good day.” “Wait!” I was hurled back into Mercury, waking up to find Demons around me, kneeling & calling me their king.

I refused their loyalty at first, but realized they would not go. I accepted my new servant’s & responsibility as I was given the Hells Jewel, a Ruby holding ever screaming souls. But I wondered, why did my Herd tell me this Jewel belonged to them? Or why the humans continue to claim the 2nd Demon King stole the crown of the Humans? That dragon couldn’t lie to me, they are guardians legally bound to speak only of the truth. I wonder if I have one too… whatever. I’m going to figure out this mystery, ask both my herd & the humans about this information, including those other races. And, I’ll make sure to keep this Hells Jewel safe in the meantime until this is all sorted out.

“What do you MEAN it’s illegal to sell drugs?!” “Not just any drugs, your drugs specifically!” “What’s wrong with my drugs?! They help people stay awake, alert, & strong! Is there something so wrong about selling a helpful drug people need?” “Well to begin with, you just decided to go out into the streets & sell these drugs, breaking several laws. And while your drugs may be able to do those things, they also cause blood vessels to burst, exploding hearts, & sever brain damage.” “…they were weak people.” “One of your customers was Tom Coldwell! The most durable man in history! He specifically took your pills because of how dangerous they were & began to bleed out from every orifice in his body!” “How much did he take?” “3 pills!” “Ok! Is my drug strong? Yes. But any drug can be dangerous if someone takes more than the recommended amount!” “3 pills were recommended for a casual jog.” “…I still don’t see the problem.” “You’re still going to jail.” “For selling some slightly strong performance enhancers?” “These enhancers are 1000 times stronger than 50 lbs of cocaine & meth combined, 2 very strong illicit drugs!” “Meth & cocaine is illegal?” “Oh my god.”

“Dude, did you hear about that human on Klu?” “Oh god, what did they do on that moon this time?” “Get this, some human named Rudof Ofic tried to fight against a lava worm!” “Who the fuck tries to fight a lava worm?! Those things were one of the Klu mages greatest weapons!” “I know! And the craziest part was how they actually beat the fucking thing! This one guy fought it solo with just a space suit & some small laser cannon!” “God, I don’t understand those humans. They’ve gone crazy ever since they genetically modified themselves with some Carvan cells & used Hrus.” “I don’t know man, I would feel like a god if I got some super aliens cells & got powers from a highly dangerous magic ritual.” “Oh shut it, those are the words of a stupid person. They practically poison themselves every day & go into life or death situations because it “feels like a video in real life.” “Your just a pussy.” “Maybe, but it’s kept me alive for 368 lunars.” The first aliens device buzzes & he looks at it with shock. “Did another human do something crazy again?” “There’s a human trend for who can eat the most neurotoxin.” “Oh my god.”

Astronaut I am, floating in the endless void. Just as my breath is meant to end, a nice curvy lady appears. She welcomes me to the after & moves me back into a new womb. But before I leave, I ask if gods real. A yes I hear, anger boils inside my skull. If he’s alive, why did he make humanity so evil? Why are we suffering? Is it just a game? A play? The lady responds “He would if he could. But currently he’s occupied with the star.” “The stars?” “The stars.” I learn of the true origins of our cosmos. A blinding creature was sent from another, made to rip & tear. But god captured the pest. He severed its illuminating body bit by bit into our stars. If god even let’s one star break away from his might wrath, all will be consumed. For the time being, god will hold these stars together & let them die out, killing the pest.

An astronaut drifts along the cosmos. He was broken off from his shuttle & is now alone. He closes his eyes accepting his fate. But, he instead wakes up on what seems to be an invisible floor in space. He stands up confused & sees an alien like figure standing far away with his back to the astronaut. The astronaut approaches the alien, noticing its shinny blue grey skin, sleek skinny octopus like body, & a horn on top. He looks at the alien, when it suddenly turns around speaking perfect English saying “Welcome!” The astronaut jumps back with a scream. “Oh sorry, forgot to change my form!” The lain begins to morph & shape shifts into a curvy brown haired lady with a suit on. Her voice changes to a kind voice of a lady & asks “Better?” “Yeah, I guess.” The astronaut looks around & asks “is this the afterlife? Or a different dimension?” “It’s both! The afterlife a separate dimension where life energy goes to be recycled & used back onto a random planet with life!” “Cool, that’s cool. But, am I being recycled right now?” “No.” “Why? Not that it’s a bad thing.” The lady stands still, blank, until she pops out of her thought & says “Oh! Silly me! I forgot to mention your purpose!” “My purpose?” “Yes! It’s quite lovely, I’m jealous of what you get to do!” “What do I get to do?” The lady pulls a screen out from her pocket. She holds up a box showing a yes & a no button. She explains, “God has chosen you to be the last & most powerful prophet!” “His prophet?” “Yes! You’ll be tasked with ridding the world of disease, corruption, war, & much more!” “Wait a minute? I’m really flattered an all, but why doesn’t he do it himself?” “Well, he’s not a he, but that’s because he is currently busy.” “H- gods busy?” “Yes.” The astronaut takes a step back & takes a deep breath. “If he’s so busy, why didn’t the other prophets fix the world before me?” “They tried, but weren’t given enough power. Due to gods battle with the stars.” “The stars?” She lowers the box. “Originally, god had made the universe pitch black. At some point, he added planets, such as Earth. Each planet had life of its own, incredibly unique.” “Wait, really?” “Yes. And it was just a year before the dinosaurs went extinct that a hole ripped in the cosmos. From the cosmos, blinding tendrils grabbed ahold of millions of planets & killed their creatures, eventually reaching your planet too. God fought back furiously. He eventually managed to contain the blinding beast & split it up into little bits, what you also know as stars.” The astronaut looked at the stars around him, just tying to image when they all were before hand, the giant beast they created. He couldn’t fathom the scope of the monster. “God also took the dead planets, which are almost every single planet, & have them orbit these stars, exhausting the beast. Eventually. At the same time, some stars have broke here & there, forcing god to keep them from breaking. This of course has consumed gods time & energy.” “Holy shit.” “And that’s where you come in. Your planet was made to create a prophet. God would lend some powers to them, but the powers proved quite weak. He eventually decided to save it, leading up to you to use it. You’ll be able to perform some of gods duties, first as restoring order to your planet, creating new life & adding order there too, & then helping god to finally destroy the beast.” The astronaut sits down, processing the information. It feels overwhelming, but he somehow understands the importance of it all. “So I’m meant to return things as they once were.” “Correct.” “…I’ll do it, if it means Earth can improve & new life can be made.” “Excellent!” The lady hands him an egg. “Break this egg & you will be sent back to earth where you will begin your first step & be given new powers.” “Ok. But, I’d just like to know.” “Yes?” “Where is god? If all these stars are the monster, where is god right now?” “God is everywhere.” “What?” “God is the dark, he is space between matter, gravity even. He helps keep this universe together. While it may not make a whole lot of sense right now, you’ll eventually understand.” The astronaut looks at the egg, back at the lady & smiles. “I think I will.” He cracks the egg.

I like this biblical twist.

Fuck you

Thomas J. Hampson began his annual party upon Oct 3rd. He invited all of his friends, both in town, across the country, ocean, & world. But, he also brings the world famous detective, John Pullman. John enters the party to everyone’s astonishment, never expecting the he of all people to show up.

Thomas: Welcome! Welcome! I didn’t think you would show up with that case you were dealing with! John: Bah! That case took me just an hour to solve! Had enough time to dress & shave before coming here! Thomas: Impressive as always! Wish I had skills such as yours. John: They certainly are some skills, but I also wished I had some actual challenges. Thomas thought to himself: Oh, I’ll give you a challenge.

An hour into the party as John was speaking of his greatest cases, Thomas called for everyone’s attention as he stands atop a special stage.

Thomas: Thank you! Thank you! It’s so great to see everyone here too day! And, to even have the world famous detective, John Pullman today! Everyone cheers as John basks in the glory.

Thomas: At the same time, I not only invited John to this party as a gesture of generosity & bonding, but also for an important task. Thomas pulls back a curtain revealing a priceless painting, causing everyone to stare in awe. Thomas: I was hoping to perform an auction for this beloved painting, but also asked myself “would be a shame if this was stolen.” Which is why I brought John here! I mean, if anyone could find a stolen painting, it’s him!

Suddenly, the lights go out & a gun shot is heard. The lights turn back on & every looks around & sees the painting missing. Thomas: Oh my god! Where did it go?! Who could have done this??? GASP! And my dear friend General Aardvark is dead too! General Aardvark: No, I’m still alive. Thomas: Wha? Wait, then where did? Random person: John Pullman is dead! Everyone gasps. Thomas drops a pistol from his pocket. Everyone gasps again. Thomas: Shit.

Later, the police arrive & arrest Thomas. Thomas: It was supposed to be a grand battle of wits! Me vs John. Who could hide the crime & who could solve it better! Police officer: Anyone could tell it was you since you had a fucking loaded pistol in your pocket, one which was fired, & you wrote a doc saying your entire plan. Thomas: chuckle Damn, your real good detective. Perhaps even better than John himself. To think someone else cou- Police officer: I’m just a police officer. I’m not that smart, your just really dumb. Thomas: Our great wits will clash once again some day! I swear! Thomas is thrown into the cop car.