I'm imagining him bouncing off you and it's wholesome. A tummy bump that springs him back up to a standing position

Halal snack pack - chips with kebab meat, cheese, garlic sauce and maybe BBQ and chill sauces. Think layered like poutine. It's delicious and ubiquitous. You can get them from kebab shops, but also usually fish and chip shops and pizza places.

I had no reason to suspect that my snack pack would be flat pack :(

Oooooh. At least you didn't comment on her losing width around the breasts or butt. I had an ex who helpfully commented "you're definitely losing weight, your top's looser." Yeah man, because the first thing to go is always my boobs. I'd go from pear to triangle

These seem like cool expressions if they were applied to a masculine person, but if I heard those I'd feel insulted. I think they come from a time when being thicc was not a good thing. You don't want to be seen to be strong, muscular or curvy when the 'ideal' is a beanpole

(That said, I have always had thunder thighs and I still see it as a negative expression, but use it as a term of endearment now for mine)

Carpel tunnel to the max

Wut? I really wanna know where you got this impression. Those border security shows are one of my mate's special interests, and never have we ever gotten the idea that neurodiversity is an exilable offence. I'm now imagining customs agents giving Reading the Mind in the Eyes tests

Wait... Are you wiping with toilet paper? Or regular paper while your using the toilet? Subtle but noticeable difference