YES THIS!

Yes exactly, I understand it being a self worth issue. And no judgement to that, everyone is prone to it. Again, relationships/flings/etc. are not logical and can not be rationalized as a such.

But recognizing that it was so bad and so low and then just bringing it up later in a very fond light, especially repeatedly is just a lot for me.

I’m judging if they tell me how terrible it was and then later are bringing them up as jokes or things like going from “he used me and pretended he wanted something” to “he’s like a macys model, we fucked for 2 hours straight” to “yeah we talk in class all the time” or it goes from “he burned me so bad” to “I didn’t think it was necessary for me to tell him we’re dating if we’re still talking”. Or “he was cheating with me on his gf and when they broke up I kept fucking him”

If someone tells me something that’s painful for them, I’m not judging them for that. In fact, I want them to be able to tell me things like that and I don’t have a problem hearing it and being comforting. Or if they stayed. I know relationships are not logical, especially toxic ones and trauma bonds.

I’m judging talking about it fondly, as a complete 180.

There’s a key distinction here. I don’t care about the actual thing.

I care about when they tell me how terrible and bad and gross it was and then talk about the situation/person fondly later. And, somewhat unrelated, also I care about hearing about how a person used sex as a tool.