Update 3 :

Sorry for not posting for a year. Unfortunately for me I was completely wrong about Horror and it’s connections to knowledge.

It turns out horror , is directly connected to fiction itself . Horror or as she used to be called Thalia , is one of the original Greek muses. Over the years as humanity lost faith in the Greek gods . The muses grew stronger as creativity and knowledge took precedence. She is now the goddess of fiction , or more specifically IMAGINATION.

Needless to say me hiding in a library of all places was bad. I wanna say about five seconds after I posted that last update I was captured . I actually spent the last year being tossed between all her favorite books . Some times I got horror story , some times I got a romance novel, but mostly she trapped me in a bunch of manga . Did you know that any manga can be an isekai if throw in a random civilian.

I lost count of the amount of books I was teleported through after I ran out of mecha manga . The only reason I’m alive right now is that she doesn’t allow herself to know every story written. Every time she dropped me into a manga , I used my knowledge of how manga stories work and broke the story. After all, if I ruin the ending the story ends quicker . This infuriated her into releasing me .

My release however came with a few conditions :

#1 I have to get the words “PROPERTY OF THALIA” tattooed somewhere embarrassing. I’m currently typing this while laying on my stomach so you can guess what I did.

#2 I have to continue to type out these updates . She also said that depending on if people like this . I have to make my own separate blog.

#3 I can not work for any of the other Old ones . The old ones refer to ancient dirties or spirits who humanity has forgotten about or stopped worshipping in mass. From what she said , a few of the heroes are servants of or are secretly old ones. So that’s just great .

#4 I can’t spoil any more books , manga , tv shows , or cartoons for her . This one was the biggest since she said an entire genre of anime. This is only because I told her that all isekai follow the same format. WHICH THEY DO !

5 if I violate any of her conditions she will turn me into a childrens book and leave me in a day care . Given how horribly kids treat books. I accepted her offer but not without making my own conditions .

I asked for her to restore my family farm and house , immortality , and super powers . She gave me the family farm and then made me functionally immortal but only if I keep writing . This basically means I’ll live forever but I can still be killed or get sick . I just won’t die of old age .

So that’s my life now. I didn’t actually defeat Horror , but instead I annoyed her into making me a prisoner . I’m not entirely sure if I won here . She’s still a thief so I didn’t even stop her . I tried suggesting that maybe she’d have more fun as a hero . She countered by reminding me of the heroes journey and how it typically ends . Given she thinks I’m on a heroes journey myself I feel like that was a warning.

Thanks to Thalia releasing me I missed out on a lot. Apparently the heroes surge and and argonaut have been fused together by magic to create StormWalker ! Also villain known as microbe shrank Mount Everest ? I missed out on some weird stuff . Hopefully I didn’t miss too much.

Once again wish me luck . Especially since now that I’m functionally immortal red nurse and Sin are once again coming after me.

Update 2:

Sorry for the long wait . Turns out I was wrong Techiton has a near infinite army. However thanks to his ego I beat him.

You see , Techiton is many things but he’s still an egotistical rich guy . The fact that I , some random guy living out in the middle of no where , was beating his robot army . This was an insult he couldn’t stand . So he came to my house personally with an army much larger than before . Once again the army marched . And once again . The muddy electric field wiped them out. Only this time , they kept coming.

They actually were walking on the corpses of their fallen robots. I would’ve been screwed if a commenter hadn’t suggested I go on the offensive . While I didn’t fake my death like they suggested . I did however default to my favorite solution . SCORCHED EARTH POLICY.

I rigged every single robot to explode . Of course an explosion this big destroyed the farm house leaving a crater . But I wasn’t in the house . I was under it in the bomb shelter my uncle built. He’s a doomsday prepper so it could survive a nuke , an alien invasion, a zombie outbreak , and a third magical war.

Unfortunately for me , techiton made his body the most durable . He was the only robot left and I was out of tricks . He hacked the bomb shelter door and marched right in like he owned the place .

I thought I was a goner until I remembered the shelter was a Faraday cage . While he was monologing about how “this was the end” and “no one insults the phantom order” and “you’ve cost me millions” you know , typical supervillain garbage . I shuffled slowly to the lever and activated the cage .

He noticed it Immediately but only said “You think blocking the signal will stop me . I’ll just simply kill you and then walk until I get signal “

And he’s right he could just kill me and leave . If By turning on the faraday cage I hadn’t also activated the manual mode for the doors. Now the only way to get out was for me to enter the code. I had essentially trapped techiton here .

We actually sat in the bunker for a week. I was content eating food and reading books . While techiton kept trying to force open the door. Apparently it was “beneath him “ to use torture . But in all honesty I think he’s just a germaphobe . Since when I cut my hand he freaked out . Speaking of , that’s actually how I beat him.

It was gross but I just dumped the indoor sewage tank on his head . I didn’t actually destroy him with that but he immediately freaked out. Techiton was Running around like a chicken with its head cut off. Eventually he ditched his body and uploaded himself into my laptop . This was his big mistake .

I’m an anime fan and like most anime fans I may or may not…. Watch anime illegally. Every fan knows that those illegal sites host some of the best anime BUT ALSO THE BEST VIRUSES . Since we were in a faraday cage he had no way out. He had hopped into the only machine capable of storing his consciousness. I don’t know what the virus did but it fried him and the laptop itself .

Literally fried , it started smoking and caught fire .

I’m actually typing this story on a computer at the library . I figured it was best to leave his smoldering remains trapped in a faraday cage . I plan on paying a company to fill the entire place with concrete. So that way even if he’s alive , techiton will never see the sun again.

The downside of this is now I’m homeless, and the phantom order is after me. I think the next one to come is Horror and then the red nurse and sin . Which is why I’m at a library . Apparently from what everyone has learned about horror . It has a connection to knowledge . So by hiding in a library I’m protected from its wrath .

Once again , wish me luck

Update :

Thank you all for the support and suggestions. I have decided to go with heavy duty magnets and a homemade electrified mud fields . It took me an entire week to build it but it worked .

Turns out , the robots that were sent out to kill me were designed to be spammed . Meaning they’re durable but not unbreakable . So when the first wave went through the muddy fields to get to my house , they were really vulnerable . Did you know that mud conducts electricity really well. Especially if you salt the earth with iron shavings beforehand .

The first wave went down almost immediately. When the second wave coming in a day later I was pleasantly surprised the electric current was still good despite the bodies of fifty robots covering the ground. Who ever designed these things must not have insulated them. The second wave dropped just as fast as the first.

As for the magnets , I never actually had to use them. I’ve been using the magnets and a log winches to move the robot bodies into a perimeter. So far nothings made it through. I think the third wave will be coming tomorrow . Although from what I read , the villain who sent them , Techiton, usually uses nanites to repurpose the corpses of its robot army. I doubt he has much more material for robots .

If I manage to beat him , that leaves me with only three more members of the phantom order left to come after me.

For those who don’t know the phantom order. Consists of :

Techiton : digital consciousness of a scum bag millionaire with an army

The red nurse : nurse with the ability to manipulate blood.

Horror : rumored to be an unfathomable eldritch beast from beyond . Usually just a petty theif

Replica : able to clone herself and others via materials near by . Clones only follow rudimentary orders ( deceased , I think she died when I set my farm field ablaze )

Sin: fake priest with the ability to amplify one of the seven cardinal sins in a person.

Destructor : functionally immortal battle addicted warrior with invulnerable armor , and the cursed spear drains the lifespan of its wielder to increase its strength ( deceased , read first post )

If Techiton and replica are defeated , the phantom order would have no army. So the dark trinity would have to kill me themselves . Plus it would mean I’ve killed three of the six members .

Wish me luck

Destructor was one of the most powerful villains on the planet. He always entered a room with his spear that could slash through mountains , and armor that could tank supernovas . No one had ever really bothered to ask though, how powerful is he without that armor . No one except me .

I dared to ask , what is he without that armor.

When he landed on my house , crushing it beneath his feet. I decided to test my theory . See , I used to go hunting with my dad . I was really good in fact. I was So good he nicknamed me “oneshot “ because I was patient enough to wait for the single perfect shot.

That’s what I did here too. I waited till destructor broke out again. As per usual no one could really harm him. Heroes like Medusa with her eye blast or the woodsman with his Axe couldn’t even break his armor . It took them three hours until they finally managed to hang up on him . In the end it wasn’t some kind of super powered finisher that beat him. It was a stupid dog pile .

If it had ended here I would’ve just let him get dragged off to jail . However while the cops cuffed him and put him in the van. Destructor pushed a cop down and grabbed his spear . You could see the look of horror on every officers and heroes face. It took all their power to beat him the first time. But this was too soon. There was no time to relax , no time to breath , no time heal , no time to - BANG!

A single shot rang out . I didn’t even look back at my target. I knew I hadn’t missed . It was the perfect shot . Right through the throat and out the base of the neck. I didn’t use any special ammo. Just a single high caliber round . I didn’t even bother with a silencer .

The surprising thing was the fact the heroes were too shocked to respond. Warpspeed is fast enough to create speed portal behind her , yet she didn’t even move to my location. It’s not even as if they couldn’t find me. the chronicler’s ability to map any location meant that I should’ve been caught instantly .

Yet nothing. I took apart my rifle , cleaned up my hiding spot and walked away . In the news the next morning they said a rookie cop took the shot . They said he had no choice . This was apparently a better alternative than “mysterious sniper”. Which in my humble opinion I’m fine with.

To be completely honest . No one would know it was me if it wasn’t for the fact that the the Phantom Order put a bounty in my head . Now I have to defend myself . Last time I killed it was revenge . This time it’s self defense .

Although , rigging the family farm to burst into uncontrollable flames all while mowing down anyone who gets close with a shot gun, doesn’t seem like self defense. However my lawyer says that the people I killed were trained assassins. I had no choice.

Anyway, I’m posting this here on the hero helpline message board to ask for asistance . Is there any way to take out robots without super strength . I know that an emp works but if I did that I’d fry the power for the entire city. Is there like a trick to beating these things. Because shooting them isn’t really effective.

“So they aren’t coming ?”

“No, Golden warrior said that it’s clear that I won’t hurt you so either your my accomplice or my lover . “ Silver tiger said , she blushed at. The mention of lover.

For the past three months I was kidnapped by Silver Titan and used As a bargaining chip . The thing is I was never in any danger. She kept me fed and safe . In exchange all I had to do was put up a convincing struggle .

Thanks to her power called “hammer space” which allows her to hide people and objects within her one of the gems on her body. While this seems like a very powerful ability for a thief it had flaws.

The first flaw being that if people struggled in the gem she could feel it. Plus , the gem was shattered from the inside ,she would die . So this alone meant that she couldn’t just use it to capture heroes or people who put up a good fight .

The Second flaw was the fact gems were placed very awkwardly. One was on her forehead, on her sternum , and the final was where her navel should be. This meant to use them she had to expose the gems themselves. Which lead to some very annoying costumes .

Finally her body tended to convert anything inside the gems into different things if left in there for too long or if she got stressed. The in on her head converts things into information, the sternum converts it into energy and healing , and the navel converts it into physical additions . This she learned the hard way when her navel gem converted a tiger into retractable claws and muscles . Leaving her permanently at seven feet tall .

“Well, I guess I’d better let you out now” Silver Tiger said as she lifted up her shirt slightly to reveal the gem holding me. I was usually in her navel gem . It was a part of her threat to convert me, but also the safest gem since it’s converting takes much longer .

“ ugh , Marie wait” I said , I used her actual name for once leaving her a bit stupefied . “ look these past few years have been pretty awesome. You’ve shown me more kindness than anyone else in the world has.”

“ Wait really ? Hehe, you must have low standards for kindness” Marie chuckled. She wasnt actually wrong . I really did have low standards but with her I felt safe something I hadn’t felt in a awhile .

“ eh , it’s more like I know how cruel the world really is and you’ve done nothing but treat me with care. “ Once again , Marie blushed . All she had done was treat me like I was a living person not just some kind of disposable doll. Sure she was technically a villain but she wasn’t a killer , she was just a thief. If it wasn’t for the fact that my family was absolutely filthy rich , she wouldn’t have taken me repeatedly.

“Anyway , I really don’t want to go back to that house . So , if you let me. I can give you something you’ve wanted for a while “ Marie looked down at her navel gem confused . She hadn’t really told me what she really wanted . What she really wanted was to be a hero. But ever since the tiger incident. She was a wanted fugitive . “I-I don’t think there’s anything you can do to help me , you can’t change the past “

“But what if I could change the future” I said , before dropping my personal forcefield . Immediately Marie felt it coursing through her . The gem was converting my body Into physical gains for her. Only , unlike the tiger , I had a few tricks up my sleeve.

“ what is this , Are you alright ?? SPEAK TO ME! “ Marie asked , as she felt the same feeling she felt when the tiger was converted. She immediately felt a pang of guilt , her new friend dying in her gem. Only then she felt there was more . She felt stronger , faster , her skin felt more powerful .

“ don’t worry, I’m fine . I can regenerate . What you just felt was me lowering my personal forcefield so you could gain some of my power. So my deal for you is , we become a superhero team . Me giving you power and you the actual hero.” It wasn’t an absurd request, thanks to my regen and shape shifting , there wasn’t much she could to to kill me.

Marie pondered my request for a bit. With the powers I was offering her . She could have a second . It could give her a peaceful life too. But still she worried . “ I don’t know , what if I use you all up? After all the gem coverts anything inside after 24 hours. “

“Don’t worry , I once hid inside a crocodile for a week to avoid having dinner with my dad . I’m certain I can survive inside a gem. So do we have a deal?”

Marie weighed the costs in her head for a moment then she lowered her shirt . Hiding me in the gem from the rest of the world. “I think this is the start of a beautiful partnership”

Yeah in their occupations they’re useful but not enough that money isn’t worth the trade . That’s why harden was the most expensive. Because it was bought from a blacksmith . A person who that ability is extremely useful . The amount of money was because it would slow down his work . But they sold it because they still could do the work .

“For years I was ridiculed for having the dumbest powers . In a world where people can buy and sell powers, being poor leaves you with limited options. Which is why I have such weird powers. However after years of gathering i think I’ve gotten a great combo.

The power I was born with is called “stench”. It’s weird but very useful. It allows me the power to generate any gas I want. When I was a kid it took years of practice to control. Resulting in me constantly stinking. All through school they called me “stink boy”. The bullying was so bad I had to move states.

The first power I bought for ten bucks was “reflection”. This power allows the user the ability to turn any solid surface into a mirror. I got this power from a teenage girl who only used it to do her makeup.

The next power I got was “ highlight ”. This allows the user the power to define and highlight an area. I bought this from a school teacher for a dollar. He was using it for grading. I had bigger plans though.

I bought “Super touch” from a porn star. Since it made the human body extremely sensitive to any vibration. What she didn’t know was that this ability allowed you to feel the vibrations in the air. Which in a fight , this power works as a danger sense. Meaning any attack , as long as it wasn’t telepathic, I’d feel it coming.

I had to save up for a year to purchase “Harden” from a blacksmith . That set me back for a while but it was worth it. “Harden” gave me the power to solidify a defined area into a solid form. He used this to speed up his processes significantly.

The most recent power I bought was called “hole “ it does exactly what it seems like . It creates a hole between to open areas. Plus I can open and close it. It’s only real use is that it lets me enter and exit unnoticed. I bought it from an exterminator. Apparently opening random holes is very useful for trapping rats.

While my powers are weird or useless by themselves. United they’ve turned me into the greatest assassin in the world. “Stench” while it makes me smell it does allow me the power to create ANY gas I want. This includes tear gas and laughing gas. By combining “highlight “ and “harden” I gained the power to create constructs out of shape I create with highlight. It turns out anything I use “Harden” on is nearly unbreakable. Apparently “harden” doesn’t just strengthen the connections between the atoms. It defies all logic how solid they are. When it’s combined with reflection it reflects energy based attacks. “

“So I’m , why are you telling me this?” Jason asked me. He looked at me with disbelief and confusion.

“Well Jason, I was hired to kill you.” I said with a smirk.

“hehe , y-you’re joking right ? How can your stupid powers hurt me.” Jason said looking around the office. There wasn’t any windows but outside were thirty different people.

“Well, over the course of our conversation I’ve been steadily filling this room with laughing gas. Did you know you can suffocate on laughing gas?” I chuckled , the gas was starting to take its effect. So I’d better leave soon.

“Hehe , Y-heh-you can’t be serious. Hahaha “ Jason said as he started laughing. His eyes were terrified as it sank in that he couldn’t escape. He quickly ran to the door in an attempt to escape. Unfortunately for Jason I’d created an invisible box around him. Which prevents me from being exposed. “Hahaha! Please let me HAHAHA , out . ILL PAY ANYTHING HAHAHA”

“See that’s the thing, I didn’t accept the pay for this job. I took this job simply because I hate you. “ my face contorted into a sneer. “I still remember the disgusting ways you would bully me in school. You followed me from kindergarten to my sophomore year of highschool. YOU ALONE ARE THE REASON I MOVED SCHOOLS “

The fear in Jason’s eyes as gratifying. “ B-But that was HAHAH thirteen years ago! “Jason said as he squirmed and struggled punching everywhere in an attempt to shatter the invisible box. I’d used highlight and harden to solidify the air into a box. Even with Jason’s super strength , the box was holding.

“Yes , it was years ago. And now .” I leaned back in against the wall with a smirk.” I’m going to watch as you suffocate within that air tight box”

Tears welled up in Jason’s eyes. There clearly was no way he would escape . His laughter grew louder and louder. The sound was slightly muffled by the box so the people outside just simply though he was laughing at a good joke. “HAHA YOU WON’T GET AWAY WITH HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!” Jason said as he fell to the ground. His the laughter slowly died down as he suffocated .

“Oh please, I used reflection on my body and it defected the light around me so no one saw me enter your office. And I’ve already got my escape route planned .” I tapped the wall I was leaning on creating a hole to the outside . At the same time I created an invisible staircase from his office to the ground. It was the middle of the day so again I used reflection. I walked up to the invisible box I placed around Jason. He had a few seconds left before he passed out. “Now , I’ve completed a life goal, I’m the last thing you see as you die”

Jason’s eyes widened as he laughed and laughed. Until he didn’t laugh anymore . And then there was silence.