there's plenty of "functional" alcoholics, or "functional" depressives. That doesnt negate their struggle whatsoever. The mental illness(es) are still present.

Now it is possible that her coo-coo bananas behavior is a ploy to get your attention, however, that wouldnt make the situation any better. She'd still be deranged and self-harming. She's so not okay even if she's able to mask in certain situations.

Now, thats not to say that her blatant disregard for your boundaries is okay. Its in fact very NOT okay. When you end things, do it very clearly, be clear that you want no contact going forwards. Then block her on everything. The very first time she finds a way to circumvent that, tell her in message form to stop or you will call the police for harassment. The second time she contacts you, follow through with doing so.

you are sleeping with her knowing she's incredibly mentally unwell and is obviously loony tunes infatuated with you. You are absolutely taking advantage of someone who should probably be in in-patient services. You say yourself that you dont want to mess with her anymore so grow up, take accountability for your own choices and do the right thing.

>I unblocked her cause I felt guilty

well firstly, take responsibility for your own emotions. You're not helping either of you by being wishy-washy. She's obviously got major problems and using her bc you find her attractive is top notch douche behavior. Since you've got her mom's number, it might be prudent to reach out to her explaining her behavior and that you need to end things with her so be prepared for a meltdown,

After that, tell her in no uncertain terms that its over and to not contact you. If she makes threats, call the appropriate authorities.

so what is your husband doing to create boundaries with his mother? I absolutely dont think you should live with her but whether you do or not, if he doesnt take the reins on this, you and your marriage will still suffer for it.

okay, so what it sounds like is that you state your needs clearly/hold him accountable for his two-faced behavior. Thats not "acting up" (though it should be done in a mature manner).

look, he's not going to propose to you, and would you really want him to at this point? He wouldnt be doing it bc he truly wants to, he'd be doing it to appease you which is an awful way to begin a marriage. I have a feeling this is only one thing of many that isnt working in your relationship

define "act up" please

Do you live together? Whats the overall quality of the relationship? Something tells me this is just the tip of the iceberg

How late are we talking? Are they important calls/texts? Is it possible he just wants "him" time without being criticized for it?

Okay, so firstly, you're completely in the right here and he's being a total douche canoe.

That said, you ask him if you do that stuff to him but have you straight up told him to stop? And if he doesnt stop, what are you willing to do? Bc boundaries arent "do/dont do that thing" , they're "this person violated a clearly communicated boundary, therefore they dont get access to me".

For some tips and tricks on boundary formation, i recommend this post: https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/comments/3davsm/tip_setting_boundaries/

Honestly if it were me, I'd break up with him. I cant imagine being treated this way, nor treating someone else this way. And trust, its not that he doesnt understand, its that he doesnt care about your discomfort. He simply does not respect you.

Just dont leave anything where he may find it. If you need to write it down to organize your thoughts, I suggest destroying it immediately or using code to make it look like a grocery list or something.

You're not worthless. You dont live with him for free. You're raising his children and im sure doing all the housework. Unpaid labor is still labor and he's a POS for not acknowledging that.

Dont say anything to him yet. Get away from him for a bit if you can. Contact the shelter, tell them the situation as well as background history, ask for help with a safety plan for you and your kids to leave. They will help coordinate the safest option possible for you/your kids. Erase any web searches for the shelter, call log, etc but dont clear everything, just the stuff relevant to you getting help so that he doesnt become suspicious if he checks your phone.

If he knows about your reddit acct, delete everything from your post and comment history. I suggest creating an alt that has no identifiable info and log out each time you use it. Abusers often become the most dangerous when they feel their control over their victims starting to slip. Please be careful!

I get that but unless you literally have no choice i.e. live somewhere where your kids will be taken away from you if you leave, he can legally abuse you etc, then you need to leave him. Yeah, it'd be real fucking hard at first but do you really want to spend the rest of your life being completely subservient to him? Do you want to walk around on eggshells forever?

I urge you to contact a local or national abuse hotline/agency for guidance and support as well as to a divorce lawyer if you have access. Many will have a free consultation

Sorry OP, you already know what everyone is going to say. He's hiding something and your marriage is unhealthy. I think you should start thinking about whether this is the kind of relationship you want modeled for your children and what your exit plan may look like.

The double-standard and ridiculous escalation of the situation (kicking you out of the car, telling you that you cant stay in your own home) leads me to think he is absolutely hiding stuff.

The bigger problem here is the emotional abuse. What he did should be unacceptable to you. Im now wondering in what other ways he tramples over your emotional wellbeing.

Is there a history of infidelity on either of your parts? Do you feel as though you two are a team against the world or do you feel as though its often you vs him? Do you feel supported in your relationship?

"Hey, I'd rather we didnt discuss past sexual partners. I dont think you're wrong or bad or anything for having had fun, its just that thinking about you with other ppl makes me uncomfortable. I'd prefer to focus on us and our future instead. How does that sound?"