It’s not cheating to get your sexual needs met elsewhere because your spouse has unilaterally and without explanation opted out of sex. She broke the marriage relationship first and refuses to communicate at all about it.

Maybe, maybe not.

1. She isn’t saying you disgust me because you are a cheating loser. She’s saying “grow up we’re not kids anymore.” Of course, that’s bullshit if she’s talking about sex. If she finds his efforts at flirting and initiating intimacy ham-handed and immature, that’s different, but she should say so more explicitly and tell him what she likes. But given that she never initiates herself, her lack of interest is clear.

2. She has had a radical, irrational shift in attitude, refuses counseling, but also refuses to address it in any meaningful way including providing a meaningful explanation.

3. Sex comes standard in marriage. She can say no at any time. But unilaterally changing a romantic and sexual relationship to a sterile one is wrong. She has broken a fundamental term of their marriage contract. And frankly, if she refuses to explain it or change, that’s on her. Divorce is the best option. But he’s perfectly within his rights to tell her that if she is not going to meet that need, he is going to have it met elsewhere and if she doesn’t like it she can start the divorce proceedings. That doesn’t make him a cheater. That makes him someone dealing with a bad hand. She already ceded her right to be upset about that.

4. Communication comes standard in marriage. She has opted out of that completely. She is failing this marriage and doing so puts her in the wrong and she doesn’t get an out for ppd or some other physical or mental health problem because she is doing nothing to address it.

OP, it’s ultimatum time. She has totally failed your marriage and refuses to even talk about it. She doesn’t seem to even like you. This is no environment to raise a child in even if your home is amazing and you are both great parents one on one. This issue is why I don’t think getting sex elsewhere is the right choice for you or your kid. She’s not contributing everything but sex to your marriage. She’s not contributing emotional support or basic communication or shared decision making. She’s a disinterested, contemptuous drone.

Communication and marriage counseling or divorce.