I definitely got that you had been diagnosed with some type of depressive disorder, that's why I was pointing out the need to balance the whole taking responsibility thing with the acknowledgement of what you're doing right - like I said, give yourself credit where credit is due. That part is much harder for someone in your situation, so I know, easier said than done. 🖤 As for the NHS and how it works over there, again, I have no idea, as I am in the US (AND DON'T EVEN GET ME STARTED on the lack of resources over here... I've worked in the mental health field for years over here and it's... ugh.), but please don't give up on yourself! It's worth fighting to get the help you need!

I admire your willingness to take responsibility for your actions, because yes, ultimately our mental health is our own responsibility. However, it also sounds like you are being extremely hard on yourself, which can also be a symptom of many depressive disorders. It sounds like your manager is being very understanding of the situation, and from the way you have described what happened this was something that would have made A LOT of people snap. Please don't come down on yourself harder than you need to. Give yourself a chance to right this - go to the meeting and talk about it. Be honest and open, and listen to what the team has to say. The very fact that you are willing to try to make this right means you are on the right track here, so give yourself credit where credit is due. 🖤

I know this is a place to vent and all, not so much a place for advice, but I gotta ask... Does your job offer any sort of mental health counseling? I'm not familiar with the way it works in the UK (which going by the mention of the NHS, I'm assuming is where you are), but I know some places here in the US will offer that and if you talk with the manager about the situation there may be some mitigation in that... like you may be able to get back into some type of therapy through them and it may help you keep your job, though obviously not consequence free. Most places aren't just going to fire you willy-nilly if the issue is mental health related, unless the issue was violent/a safety issue. Just putting that out there, and hoping for the best for you... I know what it's like to be so overwhelmed it comes out accidentally in the workplace. My support to you.

So did they ever find the rest of the body? Cause if that's all she left at that age, she has a bright future at this...